Life is always presenting challenges, and we are all experiencing living in a collective trauma now. And I’m witnessing the pain of despair and grief. Loss is everywhere and there is no easy remedy to escape the sadness.
It's hard work to be resilient and to maintain the sweet magic in being alive. To live life fully, we must accept that life, whether we like it or dislike it, is to be present to what is being "presented" without resisting. Sometimes the best choice we can muster is to let out a fierce moan. Sometimes in the moment the best remedy is a welcoming smile, or a familiar song that holds our heart, and sometimes its a deep snuggle with the dog.
This week, my breath was knocked out of me with the passing of our dearest friend and brilliant yogi, Candy Stevens. Many of you know she was our dedicated teacher here at YAF for over ten years. Her Sunday class was our church service as she offered her loving reminders each week to nourish and care for ourselves. She found her passion in teaching and we are so grateful that she graced our studio with her light.
In the middle of August, she called me one day to share that her stomach was hurting and that she needed a sub for a few weeks as she was waiting for her doctor appointment. Because of covid, she was frustrated that she couldn’t get to see a specialist till September 17! Regardless, she was optimistic as she kept trying to call each day for an opening.
I reached out on August 27, and a few hours later, her husband called me with the news that she had suffered a severe stroke. On Labor Day, I called to check on her prognosis and again the news was even more dire. The doctors had given her a CAT scan and found cancerous tumors in her pancreas.
This past Monday, September 21, our sweet light just got brighter. Her passing has left me with a deep grief and a profound sense of gratitude for the gift of her friendship. It has renewed my passion for living fully and to embrace each and every moment with the courage to LIVE IT.
My resilience comes from a profound practice of holding the opposites. I can hope for an improved future while being fiercely honest where I find myself in the moment. One without the other only leads to disappointment and despair.
I ask myself the question with each decision I make, “is this helping me or harming me?” I am fortunate to have cultivated the inner preserver of my daily thoughts to have the ability to even ask. Most of us while experiencing our daily dose of collective trauma are not even aware of the possibility of choosing. In our panic of reactive emotion, we just stay stuck in the muck. We stay a prisoner of our mood.
Mary Oliver has a brilliant poem which always brings me back to a place of great humility, I Go Down To The Shore:
I go down to the shore in the morning
and depending on the hour the waves
are rolling in or moving out,
and I say, oh, I am miserable.
What shall—
what should I do? And the sea says
in its lovely voice:
Excuse me. I have work to do.
I am inviting all of us to grieve and yet, hold the brilliant opposite, which is joy. Be able to say at every moment, is this thought kind? Is this thought truthful? And then ask, what is the right action?
In our crazy upside down turbulent world today, we are witnessing great pain of suffering. The yoga philosophy gives us tools to overcome the pain of staying in a belief of hopelessness. It gives us tools to go forward. Struggling is our human condition but we have a profound ability to choose a better thought that can overtake the obstacle.
Yes, it’s hard work. Yes, it takes effort, but the beauty and wonder of being able to live fully is a blessing. That is why I choose to keep our community active. Whether on zoom or in the studio, we need each other as support. I made a commitment to support the teachings and to be present with my heart.
Each of us must nourish our inner support in order to fulfill this journey. As we move into the longer nights and are being pulled into the loss of what was, please hold the opposite. Witness whether life is pleasant or unpleasant and hold neutrality and grace.
Use the tools to bring us inward to witness the choice of our thoughts. Take away doubt. Strengthen our pranic sensitivity to enhance our own immune systems. Calm of anxious thoughts. Shift our perception and resolve to live with an inner stability. Ask yourself daily, "is this thought leading me down the path of more agitation or should I choose to seek the wonder. To start my day in gratitude, seek the beauty around me and to the ask..What is GOOD about this moment!
Please remember, I offer a free community class, Living Your Yoga, each Sunday to help us navigate our yoga practice off the mat with the resources of our yoga deeper teachings. We all need each other, and my resolve is only getting stronger.
Love you each of you,
Laura Jane