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I was sitting in my awkward state of mind, not knowing how to move forward. It’s the holiday season, and I find I am unable to “do.” I want to stay in my cave for now. I’m struggling to understand all the confusion in my heart. How does the world support me in my fragile state of mind? The joy of the season is being lost in my frustration of witnessing so much anger and pain.

Exhaustion is a natural state of disappointment as I question my reality in the outer world. I have lived in a yogic bubble of seeing the world in a higher state of conscious choice to live without resentment or projection.

Honest awareness and the ability to sit without fixing, doing, or distracting. Stay in the present moment and not project out into the future. Be present in this special moment. Now I tell my self to breathe into this experience of actual living. Yoga is all experiential in the now. Heartbreak is the gateway to sitting in the open space of “not knowing.”

I am choosing to hold loose the future and focus on this beautiful winter solstice that will bring in the light. I will practice “Pratipaksa Bhavana,“ stepping out of my learned lens of judgment and changing my attitude. Seeing and walking in someone else’s shoes and witnessing my struggle shifting as I let go of my biased opinions projecting fear of the future.

I shift my thoughts at the moment into a practice of seeing the beauty around me. Yes, it can be an effort, but I have to feel a shift toward contentment. My mood changes from agitation, frustration, or fear into a passion for living with enthusiasm for the possibilities. I still have hope that humanity will be kinder.  My habit of reaction shifts to being able to respond with better words, tones, and intentions.  I have the choice to choose my thoughts. I am practicing to live from this state of mind and inspire gratitude for the present moment, reflecting on the ability to see grace unfolding because I can only change my perception.

Shifting the patterns of mind often requires a ritual. We have many rituals in life during the holiday season. My favorite is a daily ritual of lighting a candle and breathing into the flame. I love my ritual of setting up the Christmas tree and unpacking my ornaments, each offering a sweet reminder of the years collected. The times, places, and memories are placed carefully on the tree and become my altar. It’s a sacred place of ritual in our home to come inward.

This counters the hectic outer world of noise and confusion that the holiday season creates. I love the quiet, the darkness of the long nights, which offer me an opportune time to reflect. I move into my heart and sometimes shed a tear or two for the bittersweet of those no longer in my life. And yet the fullness of my heart for loving so well is felt. To embrace the moment is important for being human and for the frailness of our collective hearts.

Each of us has a daily ritual. Many of us have a “to-do list,” which exhausts us in the taskmaster. We forget that there is a sacred path to living that inspires through ritual. Prayer is a ritual, yet it becomes an unconscious act unless we create a time and place to feel it. Setting the table can be a ritual, and cooking a meal can be an honor of ritual, just as being present in our practice as we stand on a mat, welcoming and saluting the sun. The light in our hearts shines out as we begin our day in consciousness. The ritual of entering into a mediation is not about the outcome but the ability to be absorbed in the experience of feeling the pulse of this inner light.

This holiday season embrace your own rituals. Is it writing cards, wrapping a gift, serving a meal in a homeless shelter or church, lighting the menorah each night of Chanukah, or a self-care ritual? Each is an opportunity to bring a little of the spirit of this season back into our daily existence. 

At YAF, we have the community gathering ritual to share a practice on New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day. Each is an opportunity to connect to something greater and to share the heartfelt experience of belonging.  Our sweet studio has continued to be my ritual of walking up those stairs, opening the door, turning on the lights, and welcoming the opportunity to serve. When I leave, I always close the door and thank the walls for being my container and for the support they offer me to feel the collective heart. 

This season of ritual offers us an opportunity to embrace a shared inner light with a heartfelt “thank you” to all our teachers and fellow students as we move into a new beginning.

Your turn. What do you think of this reflection? What rituals do you embrace this time of year to bring light and meaning into your life? Kindly share in the comments below.

Blessings to all,

Laura Jane

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