Parinama Krama (moment to moment living) is what I have been practicing all summer after I was told my sweet dog, CeeCee, only had weeks to live. Last week, she told me it was time. My heart is breaking as I witness the profound loss, not just my dog, but all over the world—the global navigation of loss and confusion over the horrors of war, fires, hurricanes, and a virus still thriving.
These uncertain moments of living are presenting an opportunity for deep reflection. I have been so humbled by the effort of healing as I struggle with hours of physical therapy to regain my hand’s mobility. Who would have thought surgery to repair a small bone break would result in nerve damage and weeks of physical discomfort? Yes, healing is not comfortable. Change is difficult and life can presents days where we find solace in the deep but good gut-wrenching sobs.
Life is beautiful even in its darker moments.
CeeCee and Colby
Today, I have the opportunity to choose how I see the day. What lens is witnessing the last breath of my best buddy? Thank you, CeeCee, for all the years of joy and unconditional love you gave to our family and to all who knew you. You are such a source of love, and your presence helped me so much as I spent hours just sitting during covid and felt your healing heart. Laughter and tears are all part of this ride.
I ask myself always, “is this choice harming or healing?” “Is this action moving me towards harming or healing?” “Are these thoughts harming or healing?” Such a difficult line at times considering it’s all from my lens.
My practice is to clear the lens enough so that I can arrive at the clarity needed to live life making choices that offer the greater possibility for future healing. I use the word, healing, as love. All love is healing. However, am I in a conscious place of cultivating this viveka kiyati (a bright decerning clarity), one that has no room for doubt? A peaceful clarity that allows for the confidence of living from that place. Cultivate integrity by rooting and establishing a new foundation in Sat Yam, a truth of rigorous self-honesty.
Our country is divided right now on a simple object. The object is just a piece of cloth. The use of it for some has become an object of harm; for others, it is seen as an object of love. What is the thought behind each individual seeing this object with such extreme difference? What story is the small mind telling behind the lens? What memory is holding me hostage to my opinion? What am I projecting onto that simple object?
Some see the object as a harmful, a restricted vice of suffocation and lack of breath; while others might see it as a caring expression for living in respect for the vulnerable. I ask questions all the time to reflect on the possibility for the highest good.
I do have a choice. I am able to listen within and admit I don’t know intellectually yet what arises in my physical experience is a quality of ease. Ease is a peaceful sensation of being willing to accept what is being presented in the moment.
This virus is a fact. Respect for others is my greater mission and so I choose to love more. I wear a mask; I got vaccinated. As a mom, I used religious exceptions so my young daughter never had vaccines in elementary school. As a healthy woman, I refused flu vaccines until thankfully had one prior to my father dying during a lockdown in the rehab center during a huge flu outbreak. Somehow my inner voice told me to get the shot five months prior. I was blessed to be by his side on his sacred day of passing.
I struggle in attachment to my learned patterns and habits of judging. I practice the acceptance that my thoughts are learned, and I understand I might be seeing wrong and be too attached to the outcome. Maybe my old beliefs are not serving the integrity of what would lead me towards greater freedom. What is truly causing my pain? Not being seen? Not being heard? Can I accept that perhaps that longing to be seen IS my pain? Maybe my truth is living fully in the joy that I am being seen by the source.
Can it be enough to heal? Oh, there is no doubt that this shift from looking out to going inward has been my greatest pathway towards healing and towards learning to self-love and forgive myself for being human. I’m learning every day to make better choices in the direction of love.
Maybe the entire world right now must just continue to grieve and reestablish a connection to the deeper essence of love. To learn self-acceptance, forgiveness, and compassion. Thank you, CeeCee, for being my teacher and helping me. I am forever grateful for your love and for allowing me the honor of holding you as you let go. You might be leaving your form, but your love is only expanding.
Please let us practice the art of loving kindness to ourselves moment to moment as we move into the fall season. May we continue to shine love through our eyes and be comfortable with heartbreak as a glorious way to welcome humility and honor being human.
May we all continue to share in this greater good and come together without the need to resist but to open our hearts and help our community in respect. We continue to honor the protocol of masks and to keep our center open and thriving.
With Light and Love,
Laura Jane