Tribute to the risk of loving large and being RAW with humanity

Parinama Krama (moment to moment living) is what I have been practicing all summer after I was told my sweet dog, CeeCee, only had weeks to live. Last week, she told me it was time. My heart is breaking as I witness the profound loss, not just my dog, but all over the world—the global navigation of loss and confusion over the horrors of war, fires, hurricanes, and a virus still thriving.

These uncertain moments of living are presenting an opportunity for deep reflection. I have been so humbled by the effort of healing as I struggle with hours of physical therapy to regain my hand’s mobility. Who would have thought surgery to repair a small bone break would result in nerve damage and weeks of physical discomfort? Yes, healing is not comfortable. Change is difficult and life can presents days where we find solace in the deep but good gut-wrenching sobs. 

Life is beautiful even in its darker moments. 

CeeCee and Colby

Today, I have the opportunity to choose how I see the day. What lens is witnessing the last breath of my best buddy? Thank you, CeeCee, for all the years of joy and unconditional love you gave to our family and to all who knew you. You are such a source of love, and your presence helped me so much as I spent hours just sitting during covid and felt your healing heart. Laughter and tears are all part of this ride. 

I ask myself always, “is this choice harming or healing?” “Is this action moving me towards harming or healing?” “Are these thoughts harming or healing?” Such a difficult line at times considering it’s all from my lens. 

My practice is to clear the lens enough so that I can arrive at the clarity needed to live life making choices that offer the greater possibility for future healing. I use the word, healing, as love. All love is healing. However, am I in a conscious place of cultivating this viveka kiyati (a bright decerning clarity), one that has no room for doubt? A peaceful clarity that allows for the confidence of living from that place. Cultivate integrity by rooting and establishing a new foundation in Sat Yam, a truth of rigorous self-honesty. 

Our country is divided right now on a simple object. The object is just a piece of cloth. The use of it for some has become an object of harm; for others, it is seen as an object of love. What is the thought behind each individual seeing this object with such extreme difference? What story is the small mind telling behind the lens? What memory is holding me hostage to my opinion? What am I projecting onto that simple object?

Some see the object as a harmful, a restricted vice of suffocation and lack of breath; while others might see it as a caring expression for living in respect for the vulnerable.  I ask questions all the time to reflect on the possibility for the highest good.

I do have a choice. I am able to listen within and admit I don’t know intellectually yet what arises in my physical experience is a quality of ease. Ease is a peaceful sensation of being willing to accept what is being presented in the moment. 

This virus is a fact. Respect for others is my greater mission and so I choose to love more. I wear a mask; I got vaccinated. As a mom, I used religious exceptions so my young daughter never had vaccines in elementary school. As a healthy woman, I refused flu vaccines until thankfully had one prior to my father dying during a lockdown in the rehab center during a huge flu outbreak. Somehow my inner voice told me to get the shot five months prior. I was blessed to be by his side on his sacred day of passing. 

I struggle in attachment to my learned patterns and habits of judging. I practice the acceptance that my thoughts are learned, and I understand I might be seeing wrong and be too attached to the outcome.  Maybe my old beliefs are not serving the integrity of what would lead me towards greater freedom. What is truly causing my pain? Not being seen? Not being heard? Can I accept that perhaps that longing to be seen IS my pain?  Maybe my truth is living fully in the joy that I am being seen by the source.

Can it be enough to heal? Oh, there is no doubt that this shift from looking out to going inward has been my greatest pathway towards healing and towards learning to self-love and forgive myself for being human. I’m learning every day to make better choices in the direction of love.

Maybe the entire world right now must just continue to grieve and reestablish a connection to the deeper essence of love. To learn self-acceptance, forgiveness, and compassion. Thank you, CeeCee, for being my teacher and helping me. I am forever grateful for your love and for allowing me the honor of holding you as you let go. You might be leaving your form, but your love is only expanding. 

Please let us practice the art of loving kindness to ourselves moment to moment as we move into the fall season. May we continue to shine love through our eyes and be comfortable with heartbreak as a glorious way to welcome humility and honor being human. 

May we all continue to share in this greater good and come together without the need to resist but to open our hearts and help our community in respect. We continue to honor the protocol of masks and to keep our center open and thriving.

With Light and Love,

Laura Jane

Soul Healing

The voice of truth speaks in the stillness of the soul. Healing is not pleasant! And yet the willingness to be present is the desire to trust the process.

On a collective of consciousness, we are all healing from the traumas of last year’s upheaval to our nervous systems. It takes great energy to heal and we are all doing our best to nourish our deeper selves. As we open up YAF for in-person classes at the studio, it has been a challenge.

Our daily routine of staying home is now asking us to make more effort to get out of our physical homes. That basic doing takes a renewed sense of how we direct our individual time and space. It is not easy to change the habits we cultivated during covid and life is never going to go backward. We are not returning to what we think of as “normal”. Covid has shifted our entire landscape of familiarity.

I broke my hand and with it the acceptance that I must heal. I gave myself permission to “drop the ball”. Life is a juggling act of roles and responsibilities. When one thing shifts, it allows us the opportunity to reevaluate our inner consciousness and to reflect on our learned habits.

My habit is to do more, not less. My enjoyment came from the rush of taking on life as one big gusto of living. My yoga practice is in preparation for my life to be lived honestly and with attention to my inner light. Service is my highest calling and to share the love of humanity through being present. What a ride Covid has been in giving me a purpose of maintaining community and being able to hold space for others.

Now, I am witnessing my deeper need to hold space for my own physical recovery and let myself be still. It is not comfortable to admit the vulnerability and the sorrow of letting go. However, my entire inner voice is saying I must. So last month, I went and sat on a beach. I didn’t return emails, texts, or phone calls. I didn’t cook any meals and instead, I accepted and enjoyed the sweet meals that friends provided me. I accepted help and sat in my discomfort. I sat in my constant discomfort and yet welcomed profound compassion for the process of healing. I was off-balance just as Mother Earth is struggling to regain a sense of stability as she wobbles in her revolution around the sun.

As we are given permission to return to “normal”, I question how is that possible? How do we return when we are still healing from all the trauma of the past few years. We are being asked to get back into doing too much again when collectively we must honor the healing for our emotional recovery. When I’m tired, overwhelmed, and confused, I am reactive to my surroundings. I am prone to make decisions based on emotional memory and present fatigue. I cannot be hasty in my healing process.

The grace of this time has been a renewed appreciation for the small little moments revealing that my hand is returning. I am slowly feeling more energized as the pain starts to lessen. I am blessed with an inward regeneration of my nervous system. Maybe this journey is a collective of humanity and we are all being asked to slow down, listen and practice acceptance.

My intention is to keep this healing as a steady graceful way to be reminded that my personal journey is a universal one. I am practicing now for all souls having to endure the painful experiences of living with grief.

This week has been particularly challenging from our local tornado to the horrors of the collapse of infrastructure of the building in Miami. The collective heartbreak around the world. We are all being asked to transform. Deep cellular healing is hard, we all want to avoid and distract and numb. But we are greater and more courageous, and together we are moving into a profound transformation of the soul.

Humanity is asking us to love more; not just do more. We are being asked to remove the barriers of our outer shell of hiding and be open to the vulnerability of our deeper core. We are all asked to sit in the discomfort and love more in our personal acceptance to listen. Listen to the inner voice not the outer chatter of our resistance.

I am willing to keep growing and that means shifting and letting go. My hand can’t cling to the old or hold on to the fear. I am slowly opening my hand up again and receiving what is being offered, the miracle of healing. Ahhh… letting in the love! My yoga practice has only gotten stronger. I might not be doing downward-facing dogs, but my commitment to pranayama and the more refined tools have been the blessings.

I am forever reminded yoga works when I create the space to listen. Yoga is not just asana. It is not just fitness of the body. It is healing for the soul!

With love and light,

Laura Jane

Constant Moment to Moment Acceptance

Life is an unexpected journey of constant moment-to-moment acceptance. A few weeks ago, I broke my hand and had to undergo surgery. Now as I try and type this blog post, I’m humbled by the agitation of pins in my left hand. It’s a fierce reminder of how vulnerable is my state of being right now.

I’m grateful for all the support I feel around me and the ability I have in my dominant right hand. Yet, my frustration and exhaustion are also wanting to rear their conscious presence as I navigate this new reality. I have to ask for help!

I’m reminded that we all need each other, but this practice of slowing down and surrendering my super-woman identity has brought me to my knees. Pain is the great equalizer, and I am so humbled by the human body and its powers to heal. But boy, it’s not fun!

Any growth can be painful both physically and emotionally. Healing asks so much of us as we learn to let go and rest into the discomfort. We are the collective consciousness of humanity.

We are all healing from the trauma of the past year and a half. The covid pandemic asked so much of us as we witnessed all the loss and suffering. My need to ask for help is a reminder that we depend on each other and we each count on a hand to assist us forward.

Yoga meets us daily where we are. Not where we think we should be or even where we want to be but to meet ourselves and others with compassion for where we are now. We begin each moment with our presence, to be here.

I hope we can honor this Memorial weekend for all the warriors of love, who have despite great pain remained true to the wonder of joy. We can celebrate the brave souls that walked before with courage despite all the obstacles that pain presents. May we keep healing our hearts, and whenever needed, be willing to ask for or lend a hand!

Be safe, be well, be content to meet yourself in loving kindness today. 

The light in me honors the light in you,

Laura Jane